Dowcipy w kategorii Rude
More of the world's shortest books!
A new list of the "World's Shortest Books": STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED -by Elizabeth Taylor BEAU...
Nose Picking Glossary
THE KIDDIE PICK...When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nost...
Put-Downs Galore!
Some good put-downs...ya' never know when you'll need one! I refuse to enter a battle of the wits...
Very Offensive Space Shuttle Jokes
Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband? A: "You feed the kids - I'll feed the f...
Another Dog With No Legs
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!...
Dance
How do you make a Kleenex dance? But a little boogie in it....
Dead Babies
What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls? Dead babies.. because...
Dog with no legs
Q. Where you you fing a dog with no legs? A. Right where you left it....
Farts
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them too....
Gold medal
What's better than winning the gold medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded!...
Helen Keller
How Did Helen Keller's mother punish her when she was bad? She moved the furniture around....
Helen Keller
How do you confuse the heck out of Helen Keller? You glue doorknobs to the walls....
Helen Keller
Why did Helen Keller go insane? She tried to read a stucco wall....
Helen Keller's Baby
Why didn't Helen Keller ever change her baby? She could find it!...
Hot Tub Riddle
What is the prudent thing to do when someone has an epileptic seizure in a hot tub? Toss in your ...
How did Stevie Wonder Pierce his ears?
How did Stevie Wonder Pierce his ears? He Answered the stapler (hello? *OUCH*)...
How do you make a dead baby float?
How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby....
No legs cold
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your refridgerator? CHUCK....
No Legs, Ditch
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a ditch? Phil....
One-legged girl...
What do you call a girl with only one arm and one leg? Eileen! ...
Princess Diana alive?!
Q: What would Princess Di be doing if she were still alive? A: Scratching like hell to get out of...
Rotten Little Johnny
Kids: "Hello Miss Saunders, can Johnny come out to play?" Mother: "I am sorry kids but you know Joh...
Shooting Blanks
I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don't k...
The Kennedys
Did you hear there is a new movie out about the Kennedys? It's called Three Funerals and a Weddin...
Thermometers
What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste!...
Whats the difference...
Whats the difference between a pig and a fox?. A 12-pack of beer!...
Wood
Q: What kind of wood does not float? A: Natalie Wood!...
A good sport!
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan...
Bad News, Good News, Great News...
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced polic...
Blind Herbie
Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day ...
Bouncing Baby
A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the ...
Dirty Dishes!
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he notice...
Good/Bad Car Accident
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was i...
Leper at the World Series
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble find...
Money for panites
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up...
Only A Head
Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born w...
Santa in Ethiopia
Once Santa Claus went to Ethiopia, to give the children some words of confort. He was there, with...
The Bowl of Chili
Well, there was this truck driver that had been driving all day and hadn't stopped for lunch or anyt...
The Cruise!
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the b...
The Pepsi plane crash...
There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed ...
The Vet Delivers
There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing tr...
The woman on the bus
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "MAN, That is the ugliest baby I've EVER s...
37 Rude & Crude Pick-up Lines
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day. 2. Nice legs...what time do they open? ...
Definitions
What's the definition of disgusting? Your giving your grandmother a kiss and she slips her tongue ...
Hellen Keller List
Q: Why does Helen Keller have a yellow leg? A: Her dog is blind also. Q: Did you know that Helen...
Lesbian Hit Parade
1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? A licker cabinet. 2. What do you call an Eskimo...
Rude, Crude, and Lewd!
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your Mom. Q: What is the quickest...
Salami & the Talibuttheads
Q&A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads: Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in ...
WARNING: These are RUDE
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother. Q. How do you embarr...
Xtremely Rude! (Adults Only)
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why don't they teac...
Can't do it
A famous magician had a thundering finish to his act. He would fill a large boul with shit and proc...
Elton John
Why did Elton John wear a nicotine patch on his penis? Because he was trying to cut down to one f...
Friends
Q: Why are gay guys never lonely? A: They have friends up the ass....
Gay Basher
Q: What's the difference between a faggot and a queer? A: A faggot won't go downtown with you to ...
Gays in a bar
How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool? Turn it upside down!...
Have you ever seen...
Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic? Just look at your drivers license!...
How to make an ugly baby...
Q: What sexual position do you us to make an ugly baby? A: Ask your parents....
If a month would be 24 hrs
If a month would be only 24 hrs long, we would get paid every day and women would bleed to death....
Lesbian
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? A. Well-hung!!...
Princess Diana On The Radio
Q: Did you hear Princess Diana was on the radio? A: Yep, and on the window, and on the dashboard....
Really, really rude!
What's the last thing a gay mortician does before he goes home? Sucks down a cold one!...
Shouting during sex
Two friends in a Bar: JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex? JOE: ...
The two condoms...
Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar. One looks at the other and says... "You wanna go in and g...
Trip to San Francisco
Why did the carload of lesbians get to San Francisco faster than the carload of gays? The lesbian...
What do you call...
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs? Cash and carry....
What do you...
What do you call an open can of tuna in a Lesbians apartment? Po-pouri!!!...
What is Green, Slimy...
What is Green, Slimy, and Smells like Pork? Kermits Dick...
A Peg-legged Halloween!
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a hallowe'en party. He doesn't know what cos...
Apples for sale...
A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He think...
At the blood donor clinic
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today...
Bad Lauguage Catholic Joke
Three men meet up on the deck of the rapidly sinking Titanic, a Lawyer, a Catholic Priest and a Soci...
Bathroom?
Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up an attractive female, and they go back ...
Bear Hunting
One day Fred decided he wanted to take up deer hunting. So Fred went to the local sporting goods sto...
Blind man sniffs wood
A blind man applies for a job at a saw mill. The owner interviewing him asks him what kind of a j...
Blowing Chunks!
Ok, so a man walks into a bar in Milwalkee and goes to the bartender, "Give me ANYTHING BUT Coors!!"...
Brotherly Love
There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school gradu...
Define Confusion?
Q: How do you define confusion? A: Father's Day in Harlem Q: Now define utter confuion? A: A bl...
Going to the Doctors
There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctors. The doc ran some tests and sent him home ...
Good boys
Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day. She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys ...
Happy Birthday...yech!
Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stu...
Here kitty kitty kitty
This chick goes to her docter and tells him that she can?t get any from her husband. So he gives her...
Hikers meet headhunters
So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and b...
Hooker Progress
Three generations of hookers were sitting around the brothel one day just talking about the busines...
Horny Nurses!
3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection. The fir...
In an elevator!
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big du...
In your Face!!!
A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him. The man in the car opens the windo...
Oh Baby!
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like he...
21
On the Menu today! A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: ...
Penis holding
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smil...
Rude Nusery Rhymes!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the kings horses and all the kings ...
The camping trip
Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ro...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly ...
The Perfect Gift!
A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he kne...
Three breasted hooker
There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light district until he passes a whorehouse with...
When I get out.....
A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He star...
More of the world's shortest books!
A new list of the "World's Shortest Books": STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED -by Elizabeth Taylor BEAU...
Nose Picking Glossary
THE KIDDIE PICK...When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nost...
Put-Downs Galore!
Some good put-downs...ya' never know when you'll need one! I refuse to enter a battle of the wits...
Very Offensive Space Shuttle Jokes
Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband? A: "You feed the kids - I'll feed the f...
Another Dog With No Legs
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!...
Dance
How do you make a Kleenex dance? But a little boogie in it....
Dead Babies
What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls? Dead babies.. because...
Dog with no legs
Q. Where you you fing a dog with no legs? A. Right where you left it....
Farts
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them too....
Gold medal
What's better than winning the gold medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded!...
Helen Keller
How Did Helen Keller's mother punish her when she was bad? She moved the furniture around....
Helen Keller
How do you confuse the heck out of Helen Keller? You glue doorknobs to the walls....
Helen Keller
Why did Helen Keller go insane? She tried to read a stucco wall....
Helen Keller's Baby
Why didn't Helen Keller ever change her baby? She could find it!...
Hot Tub Riddle
What is the prudent thing to do when someone has an epileptic seizure in a hot tub? Toss in your ...
How did Stevie Wonder Pierce his ears?
How did Stevie Wonder Pierce his ears? He Answered the stapler (hello? *OUCH*)...
How do you make a dead baby float?
How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby....
No legs cold
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your refridgerator? CHUCK....
No Legs, Ditch
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a ditch? Phil....
One-legged girl...
What do you call a girl with only one arm and one leg? Eileen! ...
Princess Diana alive?!
Q: What would Princess Di be doing if she were still alive? A: Scratching like hell to get out of...
Rotten Little Johnny
Kids: "Hello Miss Saunders, can Johnny come out to play?" Mother: "I am sorry kids but you know Joh...
Shooting Blanks
I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don't k...
The Kennedys
Did you hear there is a new movie out about the Kennedys? It's called Three Funerals and a Weddin...
Thermometers
What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste!...
Whats the difference...
Whats the difference between a pig and a fox?. A 12-pack of beer!...
Wood
Q: What kind of wood does not float? A: Natalie Wood!...
A good sport!
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan...
Bad News, Good News, Great News...
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced polic...
Blind Herbie
Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day ...
Bouncing Baby
A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the ...
Dirty Dishes!
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners. When he sat down at the table, he notice...
Good/Bad Car Accident
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was i...
Leper at the World Series
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble find...
Money for panites
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up...
Only A Head
Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born w...
Santa in Ethiopia
Once Santa Claus went to Ethiopia, to give the children some words of confort. He was there, with...
The Bowl of Chili
Well, there was this truck driver that had been driving all day and hadn't stopped for lunch or anyt...
The Cruise!
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the b...
The Pepsi plane crash...
There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed ...
The Vet Delivers
There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing tr...
The woman on the bus
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "MAN, That is the ugliest baby I've EVER s...
37 Rude & Crude Pick-up Lines
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day. 2. Nice legs...what time do they open? ...
Definitions
What's the definition of disgusting? Your giving your grandmother a kiss and she slips her tongue ...
Hellen Keller List
Q: Why does Helen Keller have a yellow leg? A: Her dog is blind also. Q: Did you know that Helen...
Lesbian Hit Parade
1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? A licker cabinet. 2. What do you call an Eskimo...
Rude, Crude, and Lewd!
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your Mom. Q: What is the quickest...
Salami & the Talibuttheads
Q&A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads: Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in ...
WARNING: These are RUDE
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother. Q. How do you embarr...
Xtremely Rude! (Adults Only)
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why don't they teac...
Can't do it
A famous magician had a thundering finish to his act. He would fill a large boul with shit and proc...
Elton John
Why did Elton John wear a nicotine patch on his penis? Because he was trying to cut down to one f...
Friends
Q: Why are gay guys never lonely? A: They have friends up the ass....
Gay Basher
Q: What's the difference between a faggot and a queer? A: A faggot won't go downtown with you to ...
Gays in a bar
How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool? Turn it upside down!...
Have you ever seen...
Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic? Just look at your drivers license!...
How to make an ugly baby...
Q: What sexual position do you us to make an ugly baby? A: Ask your parents....
If a month would be 24 hrs
If a month would be only 24 hrs long, we would get paid every day and women would bleed to death....
Lesbian
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? A. Well-hung!!...
Princess Diana On The Radio
Q: Did you hear Princess Diana was on the radio? A: Yep, and on the window, and on the dashboard....
Really, really rude!
What's the last thing a gay mortician does before he goes home? Sucks down a cold one!...
Shouting during sex
Two friends in a Bar: JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex? JOE: ...
The two condoms...
Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar. One looks at the other and says... "You wanna go in and g...
Trip to San Francisco
Why did the carload of lesbians get to San Francisco faster than the carload of gays? The lesbian...
What do you call...
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs? Cash and carry....
What do you...
What do you call an open can of tuna in a Lesbians apartment? Po-pouri!!!...
What is Green, Slimy...
What is Green, Slimy, and Smells like Pork? Kermits Dick...
A Peg-legged Halloween!
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a hallowe'en party. He doesn't know what cos...
Apples for sale...
A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He think...
At the blood donor clinic
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today...
Bad Lauguage Catholic Joke
Three men meet up on the deck of the rapidly sinking Titanic, a Lawyer, a Catholic Priest and a Soci...
Bathroom?
Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up an attractive female, and they go back ...
Bear Hunting
One day Fred decided he wanted to take up deer hunting. So Fred went to the local sporting goods sto...
Blind man sniffs wood
A blind man applies for a job at a saw mill. The owner interviewing him asks him what kind of a j...
Blowing Chunks!
Ok, so a man walks into a bar in Milwalkee and goes to the bartender, "Give me ANYTHING BUT Coors!!"...
Brotherly Love
There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school gradu...
Define Confusion?
Q: How do you define confusion? A: Father's Day in Harlem Q: Now define utter confuion? A: A bl...
Going to the Doctors
There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctors. The doc ran some tests and sent him home ...
Good boys
Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day. She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys ...
Happy Birthday...yech!
Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stu...
Here kitty kitty kitty
This chick goes to her docter and tells him that she can?t get any from her husband. So he gives her...
Hikers meet headhunters
So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and b...
Hooker Progress
Three generations of hookers were sitting around the brothel one day just talking about the busines...
Horny Nurses!
3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection. The fir...
In an elevator!
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big du...
In your Face!!!
A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him. The man in the car opens the windo...
Oh Baby!
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like he...
21
On the Menu today! A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: ...
Penis holding
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smil...
Rude Nusery Rhymes!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the kings horses and all the kings ...
The camping trip
Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ro...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly ...
The Perfect Gift!
A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he kne...
Three breasted hooker
There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light district until he passes a whorehouse with...
When I get out.....
A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He star...