Dowcipy w kategorii Miscellaneouss
Cool Bumper Stickers!
1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier. 2) I don't have a license to kill. I have a ...
Daffynitions!
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'...
Diet for Stress
Diet for Stress How's your stress level? This should help. It is more than a diet, so read on... T...
Truisms!
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place w...
Unusual State Laws
Connorsvill,Wisconsin: It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an or...
VanGogh Family
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones... ...
Very Short Books
Very Short Books... 1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl 2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities o...
Very Short Lists
Very Short Lists: 1) List of Golf Courses that do not allow Doctors 2) List of all night Gay wom...
Vincent Van Gogh's relatives:
After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relati...
Warning Labels On Booze!
THE MINISTRY OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKER...
Way to have FUN while shopping!
Have some fun on your next shopping trip, try these... Hide in the clothing racks and when people...
What my Mom taught me
All the things my mother taught me: My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're ...
Why, why, Tell me WHY?
WHY ? ...... 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch call...
Words of wisdom
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mous...
Words of Wisdom
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place w...
Zen Quotes
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not ...
A Day in the life of two trees
Tree 1 "Hey look, Mother Nature's coming!" Tree 2 "Look busy."...
Army general at Christmas
What does an army general kiss under at christmas? Missile toe...
Bad Day?
When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, just remember: it ...
Bathroom Joke
Q. If you're American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? A. European....
Boomerang
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick....
Change
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ...
Cheap Rooms 4 Rent
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you'll make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own ...
Fun Quotes
---------------------- BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER AND TASTIER, TOO. ---------------------- FAILU...
Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac
What is a dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really ...
Gas stations...
Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations? Are they afraid someone might clean t...
Good question
A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Assume you drive your car at light speed. What happens when ...
How do crazy people get through the forest?
How do crazy people get through the forest? They take the psycho path....
How do you cure...
How do you cure constipation? Sit on a block of cheese and swallow a mouse!...
How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?
How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto? Fill the gas tank!...
Illiterate?
Illiterate? No problem! Write for free advice....
Indifference
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?...
Literary couch potato
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it....
Living on Earth
"Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun!"...
Mistakes
I never make the same mistake twice--I'm too busy making new ones....
Mime in the forest
If a tree falls in a forest, and lands on a mime... does anyone care?...
My King Henry joke
Q: What would king Henry VIII be doing if he was alive right now? A: Scratching at the lid of his c...
Random Thoughts
When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling li...
Relief
How do you spell relief? Answer: F A R T...
Scared half to death
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?...
Safety tip
Calculus and automobiles don't mix -- never drink and derive...
Telepath wanted
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply....
The Ford Slogan
Have you driven a Ford lately? Yeh, that's why I drive a Chevy!...
The morning after...
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon....
Thoughts
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Why is it called tourist season i...
What do you call a boomerang...
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A: A stick!...
What's coming but never comes?
What's coming but never comes? Tomorrow!...
What's the definition of strain?
Q: What's the definition of strain? A: Teeth marks in the toilet seat!...
When to slap a midget?
When is the only polite time to slap a midget? When he says, "Gee, your hair smells terrific."...
Why?
A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Why was it that the Kamakazi pilots used helmets?...
A Wish Comes True
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their o...
Baking humor
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Kn...
Blind Pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cock...
Cocky Gunslinger
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wante...
Dare to Swim
Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his ...
Defamation of character
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The...
Farmer Joe goes to Court
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking co...
Doomed!
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cann...
Fire At 40,000 Feet
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Smith looked out the window. "Good lor...
For Dad's with Daughters! (Long)
When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected ...
Fun Test!
TEST: ******************************************************************* DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read...
Fun Toungue Twister!
Here's a fun tongue twister. Read the following list and then follow the instructions at the end. ...
Guess the instructions
Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING! 1. Back straight, kn...
Heavy Thinker-like Drinker
The Heavy Thinker It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to l...
Hmmm...Ponderings
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- ...
How Specs Live Forever
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedi...
How to handle telemarketers
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner ...
If You Love Something....
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never...
Laughter Galore !!!
Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why? Wife: When there is a problem...
Letter To Ann Landers
Dearn Ann: I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S...
Little Red Man
There was a little red man who lived in a little red house on a little red street in a little red to...
Managed Friendship Plan
Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about friends and relationships. The Man...
Name That Ranch
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and a...
Nice Car!
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls dow...
No Fishing!
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of da...
OH MY GOD!
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the c...
On the airline
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, stro...
Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71!
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. ...
Please Save Her!
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim...
Pregnant Maid
A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking ...
Diet Rules
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet so...
Even more Bumper Stickers!
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends How many roads must a man travel down b...
Ever Wonder?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh...
Fitness Philoshophy - JG style!
Fitness Philosophy - JokesGalore Style! My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she ...
Facts of Life!
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three te...
6 inches
What is 6 inches long.....Has a big head....Woman love it????? A $100 dollar bill!...
Coconut & hurricane
-What did the hurricane say to the coconut? -Hold on to your nuts, it's going to be a hell of a b...
Confucious say
Confucious say... All who fly upside-down have crack up. He who stand on toilet high on pot. ...
Dairy Queen
How did Dairy Queen (U.S. restaurant) get Pregnant? Burger King showed her it's Whopper....
Defining Confusion!
Q: How do you define confusion?? A: A blind lesbian in a fish market!...
Difference Between Nun and Bathtub
What's the difference between a woman in the bath tub and a nun? The nun has a soul full of hope. ...
Erudite Limerick
I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame To Cleopatra I straightway laid claim Ahead of my legions I i...
Men
What do a toilet, a clitoris and a anniverary have in common? Men always miss them....
Opinions
Everybody knows there are different opinions to everything. Here are some. *A smoking section in ...
Quickies
Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Keep honking while I reload. Taxation WITH representation isn...
Quickies
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother. 2) How do you embarrass a...
Smiling Snowman
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face? Because the snowblower was coming down the block....
Super Looong List of One-Liners Part 2!
Q. How do you Scare a Man? A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. Q. What makes men cha...
Super Looong List of One-Liners!
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat pussy every Th...
Waterfall
What is a waterfall that goes upwards?...Viagrafalls...
Why did the condom fly across the road?
Why did the condom fly across the road? -It was pissed off!!...
Top 50 Jokes!
Montreal Gazette's Top 50 Jokes from the 1999 Just For Laughs festival. --------------------------...
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter... The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make...
Top 10 Reasons...John Glenn
Top 10 Reasons No One Wants to go into Space with John Glenn again: 10. The horror of seeing the ...
Top 10 Bumper Stickers!
1...Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. 2...If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shu...
The F Word
The FUCK word! Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is...
The Contest! (Very long, Very adult)
Contest: Beer vs. Pussy A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. ...
Super-Duper One-Liners!
Here's a little bit-a-dis and a little bit-a-dat: How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital?...
Responses On the Bible
Answers Given By Students To Test Questions On The Bible: The first book of the Bible is Guinessi...
Quick Ones!
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? - 45 lbs. What's the difference between a bo...
Pet Peeves!
Things that make me cringe!: 1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no gen...
Mirthy Facts
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night. [Another quarter inch doesn't imp...
It's a Bummer to be an egg!
1) You only get laid once. 2) You only get eaten once. 3) It takes 7 minutes to get hard. 4) You ...
Horoscope of Farts
Pick the day you were born on to see what kind of fart you are. 1-AMBITIOUS - Always ready for a ...
Good/Bad Girls
Good girls say " thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, " what's for breakfast?" Good ...
Good Girls - Bad Girls
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?" Good gi...
FDA warnings!
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as: 13. WARNING: con...
Famous Uses of the F Word
What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima Look at all these fucking Indians General Custer...
F Word Usage
Fuck is such a versatile word... Greetings: How the fuck are you! Fraud: I got fucked by the car...
Confucius say...
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. ...
Confucius Say
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. He who lives in glass house, dress in basement. P...
Cards You Won't Find At Hallmark
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:............. What wa...
Bumpy Stickers!
Clinton doesn't inhale, he sucks USE CAUTION! 90% of people are made by accident. It's a dog eat d...
Book Titles
"Bloody Stump" by: Rusty Zipper "Sliding Down a Flagpole" by: Dick Burns "Brown Spots on the W...
65 Bumper Stickers!
TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD 1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit. 2. Practice ...
100's of Bumper Stickers
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "All generalizations are false." "Change is inevitabl...
8 boys
A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for ...
Blind Man
One day a blind man came into a restaruant. A waiter came to him and asked "Would you like a menu, s...
Candybar Life
It was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Power...
Careful what you wish for
There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie. ...
Cinderella and Tampon
Cinderella REALLY wanted to go to Prince Charming's ball, but as you know the evil stepsisiers and s...
Cold Hands
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy...
Death by Job Title!
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over...
Diet Plan
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weig...
Excitement in Undertaking!
There were two guys who had gone to the same college and become great friends. During college, they ...
Gay Hired Hand
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determ...
First Body Part to Heaven
The story takes place in a Christian school. The teacher asks the question, "What part of your body ...
ghost shit
It was late one night and three guys just got done partying. So they needed to find a motel. So they...
Grandmother Too
Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up. ...
Growing ripe tomatoes!
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she d...
Holy Camel
A Priest, a Nun, and a Camel are crossing the desert. The camel falls dead. Before I die the fat...
It's the same thing!
There was a new girl in school, when asked her name, she replied "Happy-Butt". When hearing this, th...
Jesse James
Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each ca...
Late Payment Letter
Gentlemen: I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You said the bill s...
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to Grandma's house when all of a sudden the big bad wolf jumps...
Meet the Schitt Family!
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt, Awe Schitt the fertilizer magnate, married ...
Meet the Schitts!
You don't know Jack Schitt! When someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", well, now you'll know...
Money from Minsk
The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and ...
Naughty Emicons!
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is ...
No rest on this island
A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island. The group consisted of 12 w...
One for dirty minds!
The Gutter-Mind Test! 1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as interco...
One life saved...
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read...
Philly Cops
Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop w...
Say Again?
A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location( A very rich area -...
Tattoo Parlour
A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went...
The best memory
Who Has The Best Memory? Three guys are debating who has the best memory. First guy says, "I c...
The damn ham
Once there was a preacher's wife who went into a bakery and asked the butcher waht the daily special...
The man buying farm animals...woo-hoo!
One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there. He walk...
The Missionary!
A Missionary went to what he thought was an totally uninhabited island. He discovered that there wer...
The new father!
A doctor was holding a new baby that he had just delivered. The baby looked up at him and said, "...
The Pharmacy
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he star...
The Vegas Trip!
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and ...
Top 5 men in a woman's life...
The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are: 1. Doctor. 2. Dentist 3. Coal man. 4. Decorator. 5. Bank...
Tough Stuff!
A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion, and so draped a b...
Twice Over
A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which reveal...
White Gown?
A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made. When th...
10 reasons to buy a new car...
10. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. 9. Instead of an air bag,...
12 Things NOT to Say if Pulled Over
12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen? 11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a...
17 Facts of Life
1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, y...
25 facts of life
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You wil...
30 Ways to Annoy Someone.
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual m...
50 things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locat...
7 Quickies!
1) On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattl...
A Brief History Lesson...
As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson... 3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the ...
Actual product instructions
ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS: ON A HAIRDRYER: *Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: ...
Adages and Questions
What do you call an unemployed jester? ... Nobody's fool. Half of being smart is knowing what you...
Airplane in Trouble
First man: Hey did you know that my airplane got caught in a heavy storm. The engine was leaking and...
An angel wrote...
An angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave ...
Anagrammar!
George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore Dormitory: When you rearrange the lette...
Bumper Stickers
** EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later. ** If you can read this, I can hit my b...
Business Mergers
Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs Fairchild Electronics and Honeywel...
C & W Song Titles!
The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (Yes, Guys, these are REAL.) 1) Drop Kick Me, J...
Child of the 80's (super long)
You might be a child of the 80's if... ... you have deep, personal relationships via computer wit...
Classified Ad Bloopers
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertisin...
Classified Funny Ads
?Include your children when baking cookies! ?Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be B...
For Chocolate Lovers
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covere...
Forget the meaning of life...
Forget the meaning of life...we're stuck on these questions!: Do pediatricians play minature golf...
Fun At the Drive-Thru Window!
Attempt to take the order-takers order. ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to ...
Goes Without Saying
Goes Without Saying: One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. To be ...
How Come?
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- ...
Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These strai...
Items from a teacher
Thoughts from a school teacher: 1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his sh...
Laws of ...
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Co...
Lessons from Noah's Ark
Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, som...
Life's Lessons.
Some lessons learned in life: Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative o...
MasterCard for Men
You've all seen the sentimental MasterCard commercials. Well, finally there is a MasterCard commerci...
Monthly Horoscopes - JG Style!
ARIES You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient,...
More cool bumper stickers!
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. There's too much blood in my alcohol sy...
More Wonderments!
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If you choke a Smurf, what color ...
Murphy's Laws(5)
Never slap a man who chews tobacco. There are many many more asses in the world than donkeys. ...
New bumper stickers
Bumper stickers seen this weekend ..... You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me....
New Words for the 90s
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, ...
New Words Needed (woo-hoo!)
10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should: 1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the abi...
Now that I'm older...
Now that I'm older.....here's what I've discovered..... I started out with nothing..I still have ...
Only in America!
"Only in America": ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. ...are there handi...
OXYMORONS
OXYMORONS... Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation S...
Phrases For Everyday Life
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. For...
Ponder these!
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver? ...
Positive Outlooks on Life...
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where...
Products we could do without!
Fingernail Clippers: That's why we have teeth. Makeup That is Tattooed on: You might love that ...
Questions and Answers!
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Dam...
Questions and Answers...whew!
Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring. Q.) ...
Quotes
* Personally, I think that people who say they wish they had their lives to live over again, probabl...
Read the label first!
Some actual product warning labels: On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPE...
Show Me The Money!
A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere! A fool and his money are soon elected. A fool and...
Smoking doesn't kill people...
Remember, smoking doesn?t kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people. One pol...
Some of life's truisms
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Support bacteria - they're the only culture som...
Some fun rules
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. ...
Some thoughts for today...
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. ...
Some useful bits of info!
Bits of information to help you through the day: If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, ...
Some Whimsical Sayings
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can...
Some Words of Wisdom
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I...
Stressed out?...try these!
If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it... Dance naked in front of your pets....
Tee Shirt Lines
"Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" "I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Ca...
Temperatures
60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat. 45...
The good, bad, and ugly!
* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids * Bad: You can't find your birth control pills * Ug...
The Mom Dictionary!
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would s...
The World's Shortest Books
25. "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson 24. "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by El...
The World's Shortest Books
25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O J Simpson 24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION 23. TO...
Things That Took Me Fifty Years To Learn
1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If y...
Think about it!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember ...
Too much Coffee
You know you're drinking too much coffee when... You answer the door before people knock. Juan V...
Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels
10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age" 9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back" 8. "Here's Another One I Crank...
Top Twenty Oxymorons
Top Twenty Countdown of the Best Oxymorons... #20 Found missing #19 Resident alien #18 Airline ...
Top10 Rules for dating my daughter
Rule One If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're...
10 000 dollars For a Kiss
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick ...
Using The Thermometer!
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by ...
Two Things To Worry About (Classic)
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick. If you are well, th...
Two Statues
There are two statues standing in the woods. They have been there standing on their pedastals for 50...
Two Statues
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one...
Universal excuse form
The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. W...
Two kids meet
A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet. The local kid: "My mom was born in California! Where was...
Try our tricky!
To make this work, do this as fast as you can and don't cheat! Spell Fort 5 times Say Fort 4 tim...
Toughening Up
My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I...
Toddler Miracle Diet!
New Miracle Diet! Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most d...
The World of High Finance
A man walks into a New York bank, and says he's going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5...
Trapped On A Rock
There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting ...
The Race
There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap. They were really bored, so they decided to ...
The Rabid Neighbor!
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him scribbling f...
The Old-Age Test!
Look at each numbered item. Take one point for each one your remember. When finished, check your sc...
The new warden
A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden. Soon, after making ro...
The Talking Monkey
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he lo...
The Educational Toy
The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy. "Isn't it rather complicated for a s...
The Farmer and his boys...
A farmer had three sons. One day his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating from h...
The Flood
One night a torrential downpour soaked South Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters c...
The inmates last wish!
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Through...
The chicken/road across history
Why did the chicken cross the road?: JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obviou...
The Blind Sky Diver
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished...
The cashier
Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting a...
The Cruise!
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A...
Smooth Flying
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Afte...
Suck It In
I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he wa...
Sad News
Dear Friend, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in r...
Star Wars Ode to Y.O.D.A.
Y. O. D. A (To the Village People's "Y. M. C. A") (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywal...
Terrorism: Doing our part...
Rarely do we receive a chain letter I feel compelled to pass on, but under the circumstances.... ...
Real Police Stories
The following are actual incidents reported... #1 A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for sp...
Pulled over
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, sh...
Your Funeral
There were three men sitting on a bench. Man1 asked the other two: "What do you want your family...
Why me!?!
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same sp...
Where's the Manager!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the cash register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a...
Cool Bumper Stickers!
1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier. 2) I don't have a license to kill. I have a ...
Daffynitions!
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'...
Diet for Stress
Diet for Stress How's your stress level? This should help. It is more than a diet, so read on... T...
Truisms!
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place w...
Unusual State Laws
Connorsvill,Wisconsin: It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an or...
VanGogh Family
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones... ...
Very Short Books
Very Short Books... 1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl 2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities o...
Very Short Lists
Very Short Lists: 1) List of Golf Courses that do not allow Doctors 2) List of all night Gay wom...
Vincent Van Gogh's relatives:
After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relati...
Warning Labels On Booze!
THE MINISTRY OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKER...
Way to have FUN while shopping!
Have some fun on your next shopping trip, try these... Hide in the clothing racks and when people...
What my Mom taught me
All the things my mother taught me: My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're ...
Why, why, Tell me WHY?
WHY ? ...... 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch call...
Words of wisdom
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mous...
Words of Wisdom
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place w...
Zen Quotes
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not ...
A Day in the life of two trees
Tree 1 "Hey look, Mother Nature's coming!" Tree 2 "Look busy."...
Army general at Christmas
What does an army general kiss under at christmas? Missile toe...
Bad Day?
When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, just remember: it ...
Bathroom Joke
Q. If you're American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? A. European....
Boomerang
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick....
Change
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ...
Cheap Rooms 4 Rent
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you'll make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own ...
Fun Quotes
---------------------- BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER AND TASTIER, TOO. ---------------------- FAILU...
Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac
What is a dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really ...
Gas stations...
Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations? Are they afraid someone might clean t...
Good question
A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Assume you drive your car at light speed. What happens when ...
How do crazy people get through the forest?
How do crazy people get through the forest? They take the psycho path....
How do you cure...
How do you cure constipation? Sit on a block of cheese and swallow a mouse!...
How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?
How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto? Fill the gas tank!...
Illiterate?
Illiterate? No problem! Write for free advice....
Indifference
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?...
Literary couch potato
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it....
Living on Earth
"Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun!"...
Mistakes
I never make the same mistake twice--I'm too busy making new ones....
Mime in the forest
If a tree falls in a forest, and lands on a mime... does anyone care?...
My King Henry joke
Q: What would king Henry VIII be doing if he was alive right now? A: Scratching at the lid of his c...
Random Thoughts
When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling li...
Relief
How do you spell relief? Answer: F A R T...
Scared half to death
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?...
Safety tip
Calculus and automobiles don't mix -- never drink and derive...
Telepath wanted
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply....
The Ford Slogan
Have you driven a Ford lately? Yeh, that's why I drive a Chevy!...
The morning after...
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon....
Thoughts
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Why is it called tourist season i...
What do you call a boomerang...
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A: A stick!...
What's coming but never comes?
What's coming but never comes? Tomorrow!...
What's the definition of strain?
Q: What's the definition of strain? A: Teeth marks in the toilet seat!...
When to slap a midget?
When is the only polite time to slap a midget? When he says, "Gee, your hair smells terrific."...
Why?
A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Why was it that the Kamakazi pilots used helmets?...
A Wish Comes True
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their o...
Baking humor
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Kn...
Blind Pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cock...
Cocky Gunslinger
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wante...
Dare to Swim
Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his ...
Defamation of character
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The...
Farmer Joe goes to Court
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking co...
Doomed!
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cann...
Fire At 40,000 Feet
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Smith looked out the window. "Good lor...
For Dad's with Daughters! (Long)
When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected ...
Fun Test!
TEST: ******************************************************************* DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read...
Fun Toungue Twister!
Here's a fun tongue twister. Read the following list and then follow the instructions at the end. ...
Guess the instructions
Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING! 1. Back straight, kn...
Heavy Thinker-like Drinker
The Heavy Thinker It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to l...
Hmmm...Ponderings
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- ...
How Specs Live Forever
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedi...
How to handle telemarketers
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner ...
If You Love Something....
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never...
Laughter Galore !!!
Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why? Wife: When there is a problem...
Letter To Ann Landers
Dearn Ann: I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S...
Little Red Man
There was a little red man who lived in a little red house on a little red street in a little red to...
Managed Friendship Plan
Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about friends and relationships. The Man...
Name That Ranch
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and a...
Nice Car!
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls dow...
No Fishing!
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of da...
OH MY GOD!
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the c...
On the airline
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, stro...
Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71!
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. ...
Please Save Her!
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim...
Pregnant Maid
A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking ...
Diet Rules
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet so...
Even more Bumper Stickers!
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends How many roads must a man travel down b...
Ever Wonder?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh...
Fitness Philoshophy - JG style!
Fitness Philosophy - JokesGalore Style! My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she ...
Facts of Life!
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three te...
6 inches
What is 6 inches long.....Has a big head....Woman love it????? A $100 dollar bill!...
Coconut & hurricane
-What did the hurricane say to the coconut? -Hold on to your nuts, it's going to be a hell of a b...
Confucious say
Confucious say... All who fly upside-down have crack up. He who stand on toilet high on pot. ...
Dairy Queen
How did Dairy Queen (U.S. restaurant) get Pregnant? Burger King showed her it's Whopper....
Defining Confusion!
Q: How do you define confusion?? A: A blind lesbian in a fish market!...
Difference Between Nun and Bathtub
What's the difference between a woman in the bath tub and a nun? The nun has a soul full of hope. ...
Erudite Limerick
I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame To Cleopatra I straightway laid claim Ahead of my legions I i...
Men
What do a toilet, a clitoris and a anniverary have in common? Men always miss them....
Opinions
Everybody knows there are different opinions to everything. Here are some. *A smoking section in ...
Quickies
Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Keep honking while I reload. Taxation WITH representation isn...
Quickies
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother. 2) How do you embarrass a...
Smiling Snowman
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face? Because the snowblower was coming down the block....
Super Looong List of One-Liners Part 2!
Q. How do you Scare a Man? A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. Q. What makes men cha...
Super Looong List of One-Liners!
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat pussy every Th...
Waterfall
What is a waterfall that goes upwards?...Viagrafalls...
Why did the condom fly across the road?
Why did the condom fly across the road? -It was pissed off!!...
Top 50 Jokes!
Montreal Gazette's Top 50 Jokes from the 1999 Just For Laughs festival. --------------------------...
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter... The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make...
Top 10 Reasons...John Glenn
Top 10 Reasons No One Wants to go into Space with John Glenn again: 10. The horror of seeing the ...
Top 10 Bumper Stickers!
1...Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. 2...If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shu...
The F Word
The FUCK word! Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is...
The Contest! (Very long, Very adult)
Contest: Beer vs. Pussy A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. ...
Super-Duper One-Liners!
Here's a little bit-a-dis and a little bit-a-dat: How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital?...
Responses On the Bible
Answers Given By Students To Test Questions On The Bible: The first book of the Bible is Guinessi...
Quick Ones!
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? - 45 lbs. What's the difference between a bo...
Pet Peeves!
Things that make me cringe!: 1. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no gen...
Mirthy Facts
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night. [Another quarter inch doesn't imp...
It's a Bummer to be an egg!
1) You only get laid once. 2) You only get eaten once. 3) It takes 7 minutes to get hard. 4) You ...
Horoscope of Farts
Pick the day you were born on to see what kind of fart you are. 1-AMBITIOUS - Always ready for a ...
Good/Bad Girls
Good girls say " thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, " what's for breakfast?" Good ...
Good Girls - Bad Girls
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?" Good gi...
FDA warnings!
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as: 13. WARNING: con...
Famous Uses of the F Word
What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima Look at all these fucking Indians General Custer...
F Word Usage
Fuck is such a versatile word... Greetings: How the fuck are you! Fraud: I got fucked by the car...
Confucius say...
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. ...
Confucius Say
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. He who lives in glass house, dress in basement. P...
Cards You Won't Find At Hallmark
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:............. What wa...
Bumpy Stickers!
Clinton doesn't inhale, he sucks USE CAUTION! 90% of people are made by accident. It's a dog eat d...
Book Titles
"Bloody Stump" by: Rusty Zipper "Sliding Down a Flagpole" by: Dick Burns "Brown Spots on the W...
65 Bumper Stickers!
TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD 1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit. 2. Practice ...
100's of Bumper Stickers
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "All generalizations are false." "Change is inevitabl...
8 boys
A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for ...
Blind Man
One day a blind man came into a restaruant. A waiter came to him and asked "Would you like a menu, s...
Candybar Life
It was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Power...
Careful what you wish for
There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie. ...
Cinderella and Tampon
Cinderella REALLY wanted to go to Prince Charming's ball, but as you know the evil stepsisiers and s...
Cold Hands
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy...
Death by Job Title!
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over...
Diet Plan
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weig...
Excitement in Undertaking!
There were two guys who had gone to the same college and become great friends. During college, they ...
Gay Hired Hand
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determ...
First Body Part to Heaven
The story takes place in a Christian school. The teacher asks the question, "What part of your body ...
ghost shit
It was late one night and three guys just got done partying. So they needed to find a motel. So they...
Grandmother Too
Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up. ...
Growing ripe tomatoes!
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she d...
Holy Camel
A Priest, a Nun, and a Camel are crossing the desert. The camel falls dead. Before I die the fat...
It's the same thing!
There was a new girl in school, when asked her name, she replied "Happy-Butt". When hearing this, th...
Jesse James
Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each ca...
Late Payment Letter
Gentlemen: I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You said the bill s...
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to Grandma's house when all of a sudden the big bad wolf jumps...
Meet the Schitt Family!
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt, Awe Schitt the fertilizer magnate, married ...
Meet the Schitts!
You don't know Jack Schitt! When someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", well, now you'll know...
Money from Minsk
The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and ...
Naughty Emicons!
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is ...
No rest on this island
A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island. The group consisted of 12 w...
One for dirty minds!
The Gutter-Mind Test! 1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as interco...
One life saved...
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read...
Philly Cops
Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop w...
Say Again?
A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location( A very rich area -...
Tattoo Parlour
A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went...
The best memory
Who Has The Best Memory? Three guys are debating who has the best memory. First guy says, "I c...
The damn ham
Once there was a preacher's wife who went into a bakery and asked the butcher waht the daily special...
The man buying farm animals...woo-hoo!
One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there. He walk...
The Missionary!
A Missionary went to what he thought was an totally uninhabited island. He discovered that there wer...
The new father!
A doctor was holding a new baby that he had just delivered. The baby looked up at him and said, "...
The Pharmacy
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he star...
The Vegas Trip!
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and ...
Top 5 men in a woman's life...
The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are: 1. Doctor. 2. Dentist 3. Coal man. 4. Decorator. 5. Bank...
Tough Stuff!
A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion, and so draped a b...
Twice Over
A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which reveal...
White Gown?
A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made. When th...
10 reasons to buy a new car...
10. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. 9. Instead of an air bag,...
12 Things NOT to Say if Pulled Over
12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen? 11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a...
17 Facts of Life
1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, y...
25 facts of life
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You wil...
30 Ways to Annoy Someone.
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual m...
50 things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locat...
7 Quickies!
1) On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattl...
A Brief History Lesson...
As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson... 3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the ...
Actual product instructions
ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS: ON A HAIRDRYER: *Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: ...
Adages and Questions
What do you call an unemployed jester? ... Nobody's fool. Half of being smart is knowing what you...
Airplane in Trouble
First man: Hey did you know that my airplane got caught in a heavy storm. The engine was leaking and...
An angel wrote...
An angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave ...
Anagrammar!
George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore Dormitory: When you rearrange the lette...
Bumper Stickers
** EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later. ** If you can read this, I can hit my b...
Business Mergers
Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs Fairchild Electronics and Honeywel...
C & W Song Titles!
The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (Yes, Guys, these are REAL.) 1) Drop Kick Me, J...
Child of the 80's (super long)
You might be a child of the 80's if... ... you have deep, personal relationships via computer wit...
Classified Ad Bloopers
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertisin...
Classified Funny Ads
?Include your children when baking cookies! ?Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be B...
For Chocolate Lovers
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covere...
Forget the meaning of life...
Forget the meaning of life...we're stuck on these questions!: Do pediatricians play minature golf...
Fun At the Drive-Thru Window!
Attempt to take the order-takers order. ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to ...
Goes Without Saying
Goes Without Saying: One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. To be ...
How Come?
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- ...
Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These strai...
Items from a teacher
Thoughts from a school teacher: 1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his sh...
Laws of ...
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Co...
Lessons from Noah's Ark
Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, som...
Life's Lessons.
Some lessons learned in life: Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative o...
MasterCard for Men
You've all seen the sentimental MasterCard commercials. Well, finally there is a MasterCard commerci...
Monthly Horoscopes - JG Style!
ARIES You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient,...
More cool bumper stickers!
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. There's too much blood in my alcohol sy...
More Wonderments!
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If you choke a Smurf, what color ...
Murphy's Laws(5)
Never slap a man who chews tobacco. There are many many more asses in the world than donkeys. ...
New bumper stickers
Bumper stickers seen this weekend ..... You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me....
New Words for the 90s
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, ...
New Words Needed (woo-hoo!)
10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should: 1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the abi...
Now that I'm older...
Now that I'm older.....here's what I've discovered..... I started out with nothing..I still have ...
Only in America!
"Only in America": ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. ...are there handi...
OXYMORONS
OXYMORONS... Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation S...
Phrases For Everyday Life
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. For...
Ponder these!
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver? ...
Positive Outlooks on Life...
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where...
Products we could do without!
Fingernail Clippers: That's why we have teeth. Makeup That is Tattooed on: You might love that ...
Questions and Answers!
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Dam...
Questions and Answers...whew!
Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring. Q.) ...
Quotes
* Personally, I think that people who say they wish they had their lives to live over again, probabl...
Read the label first!
Some actual product warning labels: On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPE...
Show Me The Money!
A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere! A fool and his money are soon elected. A fool and...
Smoking doesn't kill people...
Remember, smoking doesn?t kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people. One pol...
Some of life's truisms
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Support bacteria - they're the only culture som...
Some fun rules
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. ...
Some thoughts for today...
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. ...
Some useful bits of info!
Bits of information to help you through the day: If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, ...
Some Whimsical Sayings
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can...
Some Words of Wisdom
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I...
Stressed out?...try these!
If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it... Dance naked in front of your pets....
Tee Shirt Lines
"Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" "I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Ca...
Temperatures
60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat. 45...
The good, bad, and ugly!
* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids * Bad: You can't find your birth control pills * Ug...
The Mom Dictionary!
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would s...
The World's Shortest Books
25. "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson 24. "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by El...
The World's Shortest Books
25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O J Simpson 24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION 23. TO...
Things That Took Me Fifty Years To Learn
1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If y...
Think about it!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember ...
Too much Coffee
You know you're drinking too much coffee when... You answer the door before people knock. Juan V...
Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels
10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age" 9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back" 8. "Here's Another One I Crank...
Top Twenty Oxymorons
Top Twenty Countdown of the Best Oxymorons... #20 Found missing #19 Resident alien #18 Airline ...
Top10 Rules for dating my daughter
Rule One If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're...
10 000 dollars For a Kiss
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick ...
Using The Thermometer!
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by ...
Two Things To Worry About (Classic)
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick. If you are well, th...
Two Statues
There are two statues standing in the woods. They have been there standing on their pedastals for 50...
Two Statues
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one...
Universal excuse form
The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. W...
Two kids meet
A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet. The local kid: "My mom was born in California! Where was...
Try our tricky!
To make this work, do this as fast as you can and don't cheat! Spell Fort 5 times Say Fort 4 tim...
Toughening Up
My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I...
Toddler Miracle Diet!
New Miracle Diet! Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most d...
The World of High Finance
A man walks into a New York bank, and says he's going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5...
Trapped On A Rock
There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting ...
The Race
There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap. They were really bored, so they decided to ...
The Rabid Neighbor!
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him scribbling f...
The Old-Age Test!
Look at each numbered item. Take one point for each one your remember. When finished, check your sc...
The new warden
A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden. Soon, after making ro...
The Talking Monkey
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he lo...
The Educational Toy
The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy. "Isn't it rather complicated for a s...
The Farmer and his boys...
A farmer had three sons. One day his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating from h...
The Flood
One night a torrential downpour soaked South Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters c...
The inmates last wish!
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Through...
The chicken/road across history
Why did the chicken cross the road?: JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obviou...
The Blind Sky Diver
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished...
The cashier
Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting a...
The Cruise!
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A...
Smooth Flying
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Afte...
Suck It In
I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he wa...
Sad News
Dear Friend, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in r...
Star Wars Ode to Y.O.D.A.
Y. O. D. A (To the Village People's "Y. M. C. A") (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywal...
Terrorism: Doing our part...
Rarely do we receive a chain letter I feel compelled to pass on, but under the circumstances.... ...
Real Police Stories
The following are actual incidents reported... #1 A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for sp...
Pulled over
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, sh...
Your Funeral
There were three men sitting on a bench. Man1 asked the other two: "What do you want your family...
Why me!?!
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same sp...
Where's the Manager!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the cash register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a...