Dowcipy w kategorii Media
Charlie Brown in the 90's
Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of kids...
Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies ------------------------------------- 1. I am damn unsatisf...
Rodney Dangerfield Top One-Liners!
A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody ...
Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners!
I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy..I'd have nothing to play with. A girl phoned m...
Star Wars Remastered
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars" 15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han S...
Star Wars- Sexually Explicit Lines
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!" 9. "Luke, at that speed do you...
Top Ten Most Violent Upcoming Movies
10. "Erin Brockovich Gets Her Face Chewed Off by Rats" 9. "Mary Poppins A Cap In Your Ass" 8...
Top10 New Summer Camps!
Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to: 10. Tommy Lee's---------- Camp Kickachickee...
Dairy queen--whopper
How did the dairy queen get pregnant? The burger king showed her his whopper!!!...
Green
Q: If you've got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you ha...
Kermit the Frog
Q: What's long, green, thin, and smells like pork? A: Kermits finger!...
Cinderella and Alan
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat u...
Disgruntled Genie
A man walking down the beach, sees a old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to am...
Energizer Bunny
(AP) The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening at ...
Ghosts and the Ricki Lake Show
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience "Who h...
INVESTMENT ALERT!
Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid...
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind...
Mickey: No Divorce From Minnie
The judge said to Mickey "I can not grant you a divorce from Minney, there is no evidence that she ...
Pinnochio
Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consummating their passions. "Every tim...
Pinocchio Kidnapped!
Everyone hear the news about Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty being expelled from Disneyl...
Quiz Show
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win...
Schingwers
Q: Why are Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinksy, and O.J. Simpson such bad golfers. A: Monica is a hooke...
Seven Dwarfs Classic
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess...
Tell me a Story!
A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets ...
The Bobbitt Hillbillies!
Ballad of the Bobbitt Hillbillies! Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies: Here's a little ...
The Marv Albert Song
Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear (to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland") Lacy things ...
The Real Cinderella Story
The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother...
The Snow White Ad!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water wa...
Viagra soon to be marketed by Coke
A Pfizer Inc. spokesperson announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and wi...
Wanted: Woman!
Seen in the want ads: A tall well-built woman with good reputation, who can cook frogs legs, wh...
Where would you go?
There were these three models going by air to a photo shoot, Elle Mcpherson, Cindy Crawford, and Nao...
Name A Fawn...
Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. A: Bambi, the White House grounds, and the new TV season....
New business mergers!
Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants: New company will be called - Poupon Pants. (my warped sense of humo...
OJ's URL
OJ Simpson's website address: www dot 'o' dot 'j' dot com backslash backslash backslash escape....
Scottie (Star Trek)
Ha ha ha,very funny Scottie.... NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!...
The Enterprise/Toilet Paper
Q: What does the Star Trek Enterprise and tiolet paper have in common? A: They both circle around...
The nsync joke
God made oceans, God made lakes, God made NSYNC but hey, we all make mistakes!!!!...
Who's backward?
What happens when you play Country music records backwards? You Sober up, your wife comes home an...
A Letter From Barbie
************************* Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA Dear Sir, Lis...
After a Tonsilectomy?
After her operation, the famous lady soap opera star was propped up in bed in her private room, as t...
AOL/TW Merger
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes: ...
Arnold:the musical
Stallone, Tony Danza, and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composer...
Chuck, Jean Claud, and Arnold
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked,...
Interview with a Pirate!
The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories...
Jay Leno Jokes!
Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show... Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills ar...
Killer
A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face do...
Let me through!
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper r...
Michael Jackson Funnies
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book? A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Re...
Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pi...
The "real story" of the three bears..
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes dow...
The 3 little pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I...
Think you're having a bad day!
If you think you're having a bad day...read these true stories! 1. The average cost of rehabilita...
Turmoil In Heaven
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former wor...
What is God?
One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn't. He said "God is ne...
Why Life can not be like Star Trek
There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the St...
Write and Wrong
A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or He...
13 Things Films Have Taught Us
1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you e...
Newspaper Headlines
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, E...
Advertisements
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try u...
4Andy Rooney Quotes
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. I'm not into working out. ...
Bart at the chalkboard!
The opening credits of The Simpsons(tm) shows Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over and over a...
Classified Ad Bloopers!
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 y...
Dear Abby
Snappy answers to sappy questions: All your puny problems solved in 10 words or less! Q: Dear Ab...
End of the World Reports
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wal...
Famous Beer Quotes!
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drin...
Homer Simpson Laugh-Lines!
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth...
Life According To TV Land
What the world is like in TV land: 1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and f...
Martha Stewart vs Me
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips...
Movie Cliches
Herewith is a compendium of movie clich?s, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopw...
Movie Ratings Explained
G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The Good Guy Gets The Girl. R: The Bad Guy Gets The Girl. X: E...
Oh Boy...more warning signs!
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place" (why...a duh!...
Real quotes from real people!
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin...
Reflections on Life
George Carlin's Reflections on Life: 1. Never raise your hands to you kids. It leaves your groin ...
Retractions by the NY Times in 1998
The Top 13 Retractions Printed by the NY Times in 1998 13 "Correction: The cookie recipe in quest...
Some cute want-ads!
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $8...
Star Wars Update Changes
Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update #10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters l...
Star Wars Vs Star Trek
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE STAR WARS CHARACTERS WOULD KICK BUTT IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE 10) In the...
The Forrest Gump Connection!
Forrest Gump - Life is like a Box of chocolates... Forrest Dahmer - People are like a box of chocol...
The Hollywood/English Dictionary
to schmooze = befriend scum to pitch = grovel shamelessly to brainstorm = feign preparedness to r...
Thoughts From Women...
Thoughts From Women About Being A Woman The hardest years in life are those between ten and seven...
True Newspaper Headlines...OY!
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995 Whatever Their motives, Mom...
Watching Baywatch
10 Things People Around the World Learn About Americans by Watching Baywatch 1. American men and ...
Weathermen Are Nuts
From David Letterman - Monday, October 3, 1994 Top Ten Signs your Local TV Weatherman Is Nuts 10...
28
Worlds "shortest" books! 25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O.J. Simpson 24. THE ENGIN...
Your Starship Captain Might Be a Redneck If...
Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the...
Charlie Brown in the 90's
Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of kids...
Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies ------------------------------------- 1. I am damn unsatisf...
Rodney Dangerfield Top One-Liners!
A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody ...
Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners!
I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy..I'd have nothing to play with. A girl phoned m...
Star Wars Remastered
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars" 15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han S...
Star Wars- Sexually Explicit Lines
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!" 9. "Luke, at that speed do you...
Top Ten Most Violent Upcoming Movies
10. "Erin Brockovich Gets Her Face Chewed Off by Rats" 9. "Mary Poppins A Cap In Your Ass" 8...
Top10 New Summer Camps!
Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to: 10. Tommy Lee's---------- Camp Kickachickee...
Dairy queen--whopper
How did the dairy queen get pregnant? The burger king showed her his whopper!!!...
Green
Q: If you've got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you ha...
Kermit the Frog
Q: What's long, green, thin, and smells like pork? A: Kermits finger!...
Cinderella and Alan
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat u...
Disgruntled Genie
A man walking down the beach, sees a old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to am...
Energizer Bunny
(AP) The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening at ...
Ghosts and the Ricki Lake Show
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience "Who h...
INVESTMENT ALERT!
Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid...
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind...
Mickey: No Divorce From Minnie
The judge said to Mickey "I can not grant you a divorce from Minney, there is no evidence that she ...
Pinnochio
Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consummating their passions. "Every tim...
Pinocchio Kidnapped!
Everyone hear the news about Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty being expelled from Disneyl...
Quiz Show
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win...
Schingwers
Q: Why are Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinksy, and O.J. Simpson such bad golfers. A: Monica is a hooke...
Seven Dwarfs Classic
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess...
Tell me a Story!
A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets ...
The Bobbitt Hillbillies!
Ballad of the Bobbitt Hillbillies! Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies: Here's a little ...
The Marv Albert Song
Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear (to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland") Lacy things ...
The Real Cinderella Story
The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother...
The Snow White Ad!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water wa...
Viagra soon to be marketed by Coke
A Pfizer Inc. spokesperson announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and wi...
Wanted: Woman!
Seen in the want ads: A tall well-built woman with good reputation, who can cook frogs legs, wh...
Where would you go?
There were these three models going by air to a photo shoot, Elle Mcpherson, Cindy Crawford, and Nao...
Name A Fawn...
Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. A: Bambi, the White House grounds, and the new TV season....
New business mergers!
Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants: New company will be called - Poupon Pants. (my warped sense of humo...
OJ's URL
OJ Simpson's website address: www dot 'o' dot 'j' dot com backslash backslash backslash escape....
Scottie (Star Trek)
Ha ha ha,very funny Scottie.... NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!...
The Enterprise/Toilet Paper
Q: What does the Star Trek Enterprise and tiolet paper have in common? A: They both circle around...
The nsync joke
God made oceans, God made lakes, God made NSYNC but hey, we all make mistakes!!!!...
Who's backward?
What happens when you play Country music records backwards? You Sober up, your wife comes home an...
A Letter From Barbie
************************* Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA Dear Sir, Lis...
After a Tonsilectomy?
After her operation, the famous lady soap opera star was propped up in bed in her private room, as t...
AOL/TW Merger
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes: ...
Arnold:the musical
Stallone, Tony Danza, and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composer...
Chuck, Jean Claud, and Arnold
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked,...
Interview with a Pirate!
The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories...
Jay Leno Jokes!
Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show... Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills ar...
Killer
A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face do...
Let me through!
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper r...
Michael Jackson Funnies
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book? A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Re...
Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pi...
The "real story" of the three bears..
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes dow...
The 3 little pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I...
Think you're having a bad day!
If you think you're having a bad day...read these true stories! 1. The average cost of rehabilita...
Turmoil In Heaven
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former wor...
What is God?
One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn't. He said "God is ne...
Why Life can not be like Star Trek
There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the St...
Write and Wrong
A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or He...
13 Things Films Have Taught Us
1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you e...
Newspaper Headlines
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, E...
Advertisements
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try u...
4Andy Rooney Quotes
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. I'm not into working out. ...
Bart at the chalkboard!
The opening credits of The Simpsons(tm) shows Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over and over a...
Classified Ad Bloopers!
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 y...
Dear Abby
Snappy answers to sappy questions: All your puny problems solved in 10 words or less! Q: Dear Ab...
End of the World Reports
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wal...
Famous Beer Quotes!
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drin...
Homer Simpson Laugh-Lines!
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth...
Life According To TV Land
What the world is like in TV land: 1. If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and f...
Martha Stewart vs Me
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips...
Movie Cliches
Herewith is a compendium of movie clich?s, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopw...
Movie Ratings Explained
G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The Good Guy Gets The Girl. R: The Bad Guy Gets The Girl. X: E...
Oh Boy...more warning signs!
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place" (why...a duh!...
Real quotes from real people!
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin...
Reflections on Life
George Carlin's Reflections on Life: 1. Never raise your hands to you kids. It leaves your groin ...
Retractions by the NY Times in 1998
The Top 13 Retractions Printed by the NY Times in 1998 13 "Correction: The cookie recipe in quest...
Some cute want-ads!
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $8...
Star Wars Update Changes
Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update #10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters l...
Star Wars Vs Star Trek
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE STAR WARS CHARACTERS WOULD KICK BUTT IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE 10) In the...
The Forrest Gump Connection!
Forrest Gump - Life is like a Box of chocolates... Forrest Dahmer - People are like a box of chocol...
The Hollywood/English Dictionary
to schmooze = befriend scum to pitch = grovel shamelessly to brainstorm = feign preparedness to r...
Thoughts From Women...
Thoughts From Women About Being A Woman The hardest years in life are those between ten and seven...
True Newspaper Headlines...OY!
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995 Whatever Their motives, Mom...
Watching Baywatch
10 Things People Around the World Learn About Americans by Watching Baywatch 1. American men and ...
Weathermen Are Nuts
From David Letterman - Monday, October 3, 1994 Top Ten Signs your Local TV Weatherman Is Nuts 10...
28
Worlds "shortest" books! 25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O.J. Simpson 24. THE ENGIN...
Your Starship Captain Might Be a Redneck If...
Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the...